I haven't accomplished much the past few days. Not in a measurable sense anyway.
I've been busy figuring out my life and how it works with our new one.
I've figured out how to work on the computer with her.
But that's only one small thing. There's plenty left to figure.
I'm wondering if we'll get to keep her and figuring out whether that is what I really want. I recognize the blessing it would be to be given that choice. Still, I can't help but mourn the loss of my little family of four.
It sounds awful, I know.
As good as a new reality may be, isn't it ok to be sorry about the end of the old one?
Then again, maybe this isn't the end of my former reality. Maybe tomorrow I'll get a call saying they've found a place for this new one and I'll be back where I was 3 days ago.
I'm trying to let myself love her and still maintain a safety net for my heart.
I don't think that will work though.
If this is going to be a good experience for any of us I'm going to have to risk breaking my heart.