Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Figuring

I haven't accomplished much the past few days. Not in a measurable sense anyway.
I've been busy figuring out my life and how it works with our new one.
I've figured out how to work on the computer with her.

But that's only one small thing. There's plenty left to figure.
I'm wondering if we'll get to keep her and figuring out whether that is what I really want. I recognize the blessing it would be to be given that choice. Still, I can't help but mourn the loss of my little family of four.
It sounds awful, I know.
As good as a new reality may be, isn't it ok to be sorry about the end of the old one?
Then again, maybe this isn't the end of my former reality. Maybe tomorrow I'll get a call saying they've found a place for this new one and I'll be back where I was 3 days ago.
I'm trying to let myself love her and still maintain a safety net for my heart.
I don't think that will work though.
If this is going to be a good experience for any of us I'm going to have to risk breaking my heart.
It hurts.

4 comments:

Melissa M. said...

Ohhhhh, so little and cute!
You just love her like there's no tomorrow, and you know what? I don't think your heart will break, I think all that lovin' will just make your heart that much bigger (it's already huge by the way).
I do understand the mourning for a family of 4. I found the transition from 2 to 3 kids to be the hardest (they outnumber us parents).

Nichole Davis said...

Sooooo sweet! congrats. I am sure it is a struggle and a blessing at the same time, as most things are. I agree with what melissa said about you have a huge heart! It can only get bigger!

Susan said...

You just do what you do best-that little sweetie needs what she can get from you. Our sweet Father in Heaven will take care of everything else.

Amy said...

Wow. She is darling. And she's quite lucky to have your love, whether for a week or for life.