Monday, September 12, 2011

Dispelling dastardly deeds

On more than one occasion I've found myself thinking about super heroes and villains. What would be my super power if I had one, and would that power be better suited to the hero or the villain?

My formula for a super power is this: Identify a talent or a quirk that you posses, now figure out a way to wield it as a weapon. This is your super power.

I tend to think that physical attributes better befit heroes where mental ones are more at home with villainy. That's not a hard and fast rule, of course both sides of the coin need to have bounty in both brains and brawn, but I see it as a trend.

Here are a few character's I've assembled using the method.

Case number one:

Years of playing the trombone have left The Mr with the ability pick out the bass line in any song he hears. Now, imagine that he's nurtured that ability to the point where he's constantly picking up a bass hook in the everyday sounds of life. Take it one step further and each thump of the bass becomes a blow. Now you've got your self a villain. I call him Bass Clef.

Oh, sure he could be a hero. You could get all Dumbledore on me with talk of choice vs. ability but I'm going to skip the debate and name this one a villain just because I think it makes a cooler villain power.

When dealing in the day to day of petty crimes, Bass Clef pulls from that underlying rhythm of life we talked about to supply the muscle behind his will. For big heists though, he's been known to hire a few shady musicians (not your regular henchmen) to come along and lay down a beat his villainy can jive to.

Case number two:

Recently I've been enduring the joy of postpartum hair loss. There's a patch above my left temple, about one inch in diameter, that looks like I shaved it. (I didn't)
Last week as I cleaned the mesh drain guard in my shower (what could pass for a month's build-up of hair was collected in the space of a single shampoo) I thought about what kind of super power this could shape up to be.

Postpartum Woman has taken her ability to waken instantly from deepest slumber at her infant's first coo of discontent and broadened it to apply to any cry of distress. When she picks up such a signal, she speeds in her tricked out station wagon* to the crime scene.

Once she arrives and takes stock of the situation, she nonchalantly runs a hand through her hair. With that one swipe she'll have armed herself with all the fiber she needs to deftly fashion the rope she'll use to lasso and bind the bad guy, saving the day.

Her tag line is: "Postpartum woman-Single headedly clogging the drain of villainy,"

What would your super power be? Are you a hero or a villain? Maybe we can all get together and wite ourselves a comic book.

*Earlier today I saw an amazing Chevy Malibu wagon. Probably mid-sixties, all gleaming turquoise paint job and shiny chrome. I've never been more impressed at the sight of a stay-wag.

4 comments:

Lizz said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! I am trying desperately to come up with a good super power so that I can join in your imaginative fun! But I am stupefied by laughter! Wait! That's it!! The Humorator! Can stop bad guys with a single pun! I'm just the victim instead of the hero...maybe the Humorator should be a villain?

Eva said...

Well, humor is metal rather than physical (unless it's physical humor, there is that) so if your following my guidelines that would lean toward villainy.

Christina said...

If we stick with the postpartum theme, women all over could be Boob-shrinkie. She half-way disappears in 6-9 months. (Physical trait – so hero?)
There could also be the Ornery-nator. A women able to change from sweet to sour in the blink of an eye causing even the most loving child to cower in fear. (Evil)
Personally, with my postpartum days over three years gone (whew!) I had to focus on other traits.
But since, according to MegaMind, “Bad guys always loose,” one might think brawn is mightier than brain? I propose: Miss Stitchinator, she closed the seam on evil’s dastardly deeds. Mental and physical – it’s one of the worlds most honored super traits. Run with it girl!

Boy said...

Being half deaf, I am constantly forced to ask people to repeat what they just said. It's a well established fact that a villain's monologue is the perfect opportunity for any hero to think up a great way to stop them. Imagine then how much one could think up if the villain had to go over his monologue more than once! I call it the Repeat Defeater.